Clearing the weeds in life

Finding those small victories even when the challenges seem too big!

(I’ve made a couple of edits after consultation with a fellow balsam basher, so there is a discrepancy between the audio and the written. I’ll re-record the audio once I’ve made food!)

Hello, beautiful humans. I hope you’re happy and life is treating you well. 

It’s been a couple of weeks since I’ve been here. Life has been a bit hectic, with my brother needing emergency surgery to remove an unhappy appendix, and a music festival to prepare for and enjoy, I’ve been struggling to catch up with myself.

And, as is so often the case, I’ve been turning to nature to help me in that catching up. Time spent with trees, flowers and all the beauty of nature soothes the soul so beautifully doesn't it? It’s my go to for any time I need to reconnect with myself, to give myself time and space for recovery and wellbeing.

One of the things I am enjoying at the moment is tackling the Himalayan Balsam that is overrunning some of the green areas in my local community.

The result of a very satisfying, spontaneous half hour bash this afternoon

If you don’t know, Himalayan Balsam is a beautiful looking plant that is threatening the native plants of the UK. It was brought here in 1839, and was known colloquially as ‘poor man’s orchid’, as it allowed a sense of luxurious plans without needing the greenhouses that so many couldn’t afford. It has, in the absence of the natural predators that keep it under control in its natural habitat, become a significant threat to biodiversity of the UK.

Managing this plant is a long term project. A dear friend of mine has been working in her local park for over a decade, and is now starting to see the fruits of her labours, as native species are returning in abundance. But she still needs to keep working to keep the balsam away. 

I’ve only started working on this in the past couple of years, and am starting to appreciate what a big task it is. Each flower head can produce up to 1500 seeds, which disperse far and wide as the seed pod releases them quite explosively. The seeds can live in the soil for up to 18 months, so even if it looks clear, it probably isn’t. Balsam spreads widely along rivers where, having driven out the natural species, destabilises the soil and contributes to soil erosion and deteriorating river health.

Clearly, this is a significant problem. Government sources in 2003 estimated that eradicating it completely in the UK would cost at least £3 million. It wasn’t eradicated and has now only got worse, so that figure will have inevitably increased. Much of the time, it is individuals and community groups that take responsibility for it.

I know that in the small area I have deemed ‘my spot’, it will be years before I could say it is Balsam free, even if I work at it every day through the growing season. 

It could seem like a hopeless task. And sometimes it feels it, when you make great progress and return to find a hundred new plants have appeared in the spot you cleared a week ago.

But I know that it matters. I know that every plant I uproot and destroy is 1500 seeds less getting released into the local environment. Every plant that can’t create 1500 more seeds is a small victory.

And in nature recovery, as with personal recovery, every small win counts. 

Wherever you are on your recovery journey, whatever you’re recovering from, and however long you’ve been on this path, it’s a long term project, just like my balsam bashing. 

There is no ‘end goal’ with this work. All we can do is live each day, and know that each day in recovery is a small victory. Even when it feels that you’ve taken a few steps back, you can always step forward, armed with some new information to help your recovery tomorrow. 

The past 5 months of my life have felt like several steps backwards in lots of ways. As I surrendered to depression I found all my old certainty about sobriety and how I was ‘ok as long as I’m not thinking about drinking’ crumble away. Yes, my sobriety is important, but there was so much more I needed to do. 

So while I could view 5 months of turbulent mental health challenges as a step backward, instead I see the small victories. I’ve learned a lot more about myself, and what I need to be well at this stage of my life. What I needed to support my recovery 5 years ago wasn't the same as I need now that I am older, with menopause changing my identity, and grief having reshaped my whole sense of myself.

As I pick away at the weeds of my mind, I know that, just like my attempts at clearing the balsam, I am in this for the long haul. Every step taken towards self care, every seed producing plant taken out of the ecosystem…. It’s all progress, it’s all small victories.

What small victories have you won today? Share in the comments and let’s celebrate those small wins together!