A year of Reading and Recovering
The year that I remembered to read, and read my way to remembering
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The PEACEful Path of Recovery
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Finding sanctuary in the pages
At the start of the year, I fell apart. Spectacularly, miserably, painfully, absolutely. After some of the hardest years of my life, something had to give. And what gave was my ability to cope or function. Utterly exhausted, barely able to stay out of bed, liable to cry over anything at all, and often scarily reliant on my teenage son for food, I was a broken woman.
I spent more time in my bed, under my covers, than I spent out of it. I’d been running from the truth of my mental health for a long time. But after a very spontaneous decision to take a month off from social media, I couldn’t distract myself from it any longer, and I collapsed.
It’s certainly been an interesting year. One that has taught me more about recovery and mental health than all the courses I’ve done combined. It’s taught me about the importance of facing the things that hurt, of allowing yourself to ask for help, and let yourself receive it, of rest, self care, healing, and self compassion. It forced me to face my vulnerabilities, and to give myself the grace where those vulnerabilities are concerned.
While it’s been an awful, painful and hugely challenging year, it’s not been without its gifts. Quite apart from those important lessons I received, this yar I’ve been able to return joyfully and easefully to something that younger me adored to do.
Ever since the arrival of social media into my life and diminished attention span, I’ve found reading to be a colossal challenge. I could blame the ADHD, but I know that when I was younger, with undiagnosed ADHD, reading wasn’t a problem. If anything, getting me to put my book down and do something else was the challenge! The internet, and a busy life, no doubt, had taken that away from me.
But this year, depression (and a social media detox) gave it back to me. Quite early on in the year, I realized there was a good chance I’d get a lot more reading done this year, so I started logging my completed reads on Goodreads, and set myself a goal to read 50 books.
I have completed 55 books, with one due to be finished before the year ends!
As I presume as a Substack reader, you’re partial to the written word, I thought I’d share them with you, along with a few words about each book.
January
Wintering: The Power of Rest and Retreat in Difficult Times by Katherine May (Completed on 11 January 2024)
A friend gave this to me in 2023. I read it, but it took me about 9 months to complete. This year I picked it up a few days after logging out of Facebook for the month, and finished it in about 4 days! I was reading this as I was becoming painfully aware how bad my mental health had got, and it gave me permission not only to rest, but to surrender to this, my own personal Winter. It inspired me to write what is probably my favourite, and most vulnerable essay this year
You can read more of Katherine’s work on her Substack, and I can’t recommend it enough!
The Wild Silence by Raynor Winn (Completed on 18 January 2024)
I adored Raynor Winn’s first book, The Salt Path, and buoyed up by my joy at completing Wintering, I hurried to my local library, and devoured this next book. It’s another beautiful read, that made me want to walk far more than my body felt capable of!
The Electricity of Every Living Thing by Katherine May (Completed on 27 January 2024)
This was my first audiobook of the year, when I realized that Katherine herself narrates it. As a late diagnosed neurodivergent woman, I related to the journey of self discovery Katherine writes about, as well as wanting to do all the walks she took me on through her words (this has been a theme of many of the books I read this year!)
Who Let the Gods Out? by Maz Evans (Completed on 29 January 2024)
One of the books on my list that is proof that I still managed to do parenting even when things were tough. My son and I sometimes enjoy audiobooks together, this was one that made me laugh and laugh even when I felt wretched!
February
Lit by Mary Karr (Completed on 06 February 2024)
This was another audible book, and another book I had ‘read’ before. I’d listened to this very early on in my recovery journey, and was very keen to revisit it. Karr’s writing style and her narration make for a compelling story and listening experience, and I loved it this time probably more than the first time.
The Enchanted Life by Dr Sharon Blackie (Completed on 12 February 2024)
I think this came my way as an audible suggestion, based on other books I’d read this year. I am so glad I took it. I ended up listening to this one twice, and most of Sharon’s other books! It encouraged me to pay more attention to the place I live in, and to begin to re-evaluate how much I really do belong here, something I had never felt before.
You can read more of Sharon’s work on her Substack here
The Owl Service by Alan Garner (Completed on 15 February 2024)
My son was reading this at school, and I was instantly transported back to my own school days, when I first read, and fell in love with, this book. I had to read it again, and while it was a lot stranger than I remembered, I adored reconnecting with my inner child and her love of magic and mystery!
Hidden Figures by Margot Lee Shetterly (Completed on 17 February 2024)
I joined my local library’s book club, and threw myself wholeheartedly into this first book of my time in the club. Not the sort of book I would have normally gone for, this was an incredible read.
Hagitude: Reimagining the Second Half of Life by Dr Sharon Blackie (Completed on 22 February 2024)
Aware that one of the issues I needed to clear up in my mind was my relationship with aging. Sharon Blackie’s book helped me to clear away some of the negative impressions I had of aging, and allowed me to begin to explore the gifts it was giving me. It also helped me to see the role my mother had played in my life, and the life of those who knew her.
Simply the Quest by Maz Evans (Completed on 27 February 2024)
More madcap Greek god adventures from Maz Evans. My son and I thoroughly enjoyed this second book in the series. Unfortunately for me, he lost interest half way through the 3rd one, so we never got to complete that!
March
If Women Rose Rooted: A Life-Changing Journey to Authenticity and Belonging by Dr Sharon Blackie (Completed on 06 March 2024)
Another inspirational, uplifting book that reminds us that we women have power, and that we can rise above the conditioning and stereotypes!
A Walk from the Wild Edge by Jake Tyler (Completed on 06 March 2024)
Another book that made me want to grab my backpack and go for a very long walk. Jake Tyler’s story of how he overcame his mental health problems through the power of walking, solitude, reflection and time in nature kept me engrossed.
Two Women Walk into a Bar by Cheryl Strayed (Completed on 06 March 2024)
A short story that charts Cheryl’s emotional journey to healing and understanding with her mother in law, as the elder woman faces the last few weeks of her life. Although brief, the book was profoundly moving, and made my eyes leak quite a lot!
The Year of Magical Thinking by Joan Didion (Completed on 08 March 2024)
Joan Didion’s memoir of the deep, unfathomable grief she felt at the death of both her daughter and her husband is a powerful exploration of the bewilderment and disbelief that can characterise the grief we feel at the death of a loved one. I can relate to her desire to make things be different, and her inability to truly comprehend the finality of her bereavement. I listened to this on Audible, narrated by Vanessa Redgrave, it’s heartbreakingly beautiful
The Paris Library by Janet Skeslien Charles (Completed on 10 March 2024)
This was another book from the library book club. It tells the story of the people who work in, and spend time in the library in Paris as the Nazi’s are moving towards the French capital. A compelling, harrowing, sometimes devastating, sometimes beautiful rollercoaster of a book. I couldn’t put it down!
Green Shoots by Ben Westwood (Completed on 13 March 2024)
The book club had two books this month, and this page turner eco-thriller was the other one. It was a compelling narrative with a strong environmental message.
Enchantment: Reawakening Wonder in an Exhausted Age by Katherine May (Completed on 15 March 2024)
This was the first signed hardback book I’ve pre-ordered in a very long time… and it was totally worth the wait. A reminder to us all to find the wonder and magic in our daily lives, it was exactly what I needed as I trudged through the swamp of my depression.
Into the Forest: How Trees Can Help You Find Health and Happiness by Qing Li (Completed on 19 March 2024)
One thing that I really leaned into this year was the healing power of nature. I’ve known for years that being in nature soothes and heals me, and this year I experienced it very powerfully. I was also enrolled on a ‘Wellbeing in Nature’ course, and wanted to learn more about the science of it as well. Forest bathing is increasingly well understood to be a huge boost for mental health, and this book explains why, and how to get the most from your forest bathing experiences
Return to My Trees: Notes from the Welsh Woodlands by Matthew Yeomans (Completed on 28 March 2024)
This book was gifted to me for my 50th birthday, because of my love of nature, and the tattoo on my chest that has the words ‘Return to your trees’ in Welsh. It took me a long time to read this book, but I persevered and thoroughly enjoyed it. It also made me want to get my walking boots on and go for a long walk, as the theme of the book is walking through the forests of Wales.
April
Birdsong in a Time of Silence by Steven Lovatt (Completed on 13 April 2024)
A gorgeous book, reflecting on the time during lockdown when we all became aware of the birdsong that filled the air when we got quieter. The audible version has the added bonus of birdsong to start each chapter. A glorious book that will make you want to learn more about the birds that sing around you
Of Mice and Men by John Steinbeck (Completed on 29 April 2024)
My son is studying this for his English Literature GCSE, so I read it so I would be able to talk to him about it and help him understand it
In Cold Blood by Truman Capote (Completed on 30 April 2024)
Another library book club selection, and another book that I’d never have read otherwise. It was fascinating, an incredible insight into a world and a time I have never known, as well as the psychology of a killer.
May
Landlines by Raynor Winn (Completed on 07 May 2024)
I had to wait several weeks to get Raynor Winn’s third book from the library, and boy oh boy was it worth the wait! Heartbreaking, utterly inspirational, a real emotional roller coaster, wrapped up in travel and nature writing that again, made me want to start walking and never stop. Raynor writes so exquisitely about pain and beauty, love and heartbreak, sometimes at the same time. If you haven’t read her work, please, stop reading this and go read one of her books now!
The Wild Remedy: How Nature Mends Us - A Diary by Emma Mitchell (Completed on 21 May 2024)
Another gorgeous book on the power of nature to heal and restore us to mental health. There was a real theme to most of the books I was choosing to read this year, and this one was no exception. I listened to this on audiobook, and shed many tears of recognition as Emma discussed her depression, and the way that being in nature supports and soothes her
The Clan of the Cave Bear by Jean M. Auel (Completed on 26 May 2024)
This was another book club selection. It was a compelling read, and certainly interesting to try to remember that the characters I was following weren’t the same as modern man, however much the story made me forget that fact. There are a number of other books in the series, and while I enjoyed this first one, I haven’t felt any need to read anymore.
June
Sarah Fay is kinda famous here on Substack forSubstack Writers at Work with Sarah Fay. But as well as all the work she does to support Substack writers, she’s also written and serialised her own memoir right here on Substack, taking us through how she learned to move from mental illness to finding her own path to wellbeing and cure. It’s inspirational stuff that helped me to recognise that maybe I’ve always lived with depression and likely always will, but I don’t need to let it define me, or spend the rest of my life in pursuit of the ‘ideal’ prescription. Understanding my triggers, knowing how to practice meaningful self care, recognising when I’m overwhelmed and heading back to burnout, and practicing the things that keep me well, I already knew all this but Sarah’s memoir helped it to make concrete sense at a time when nothing much did!
Blood Orange by Harriet Tyce (Completed on 05 June 2024)
This was another book club selection, and probably the book I’ve read fastest all year! My Goodreads review said “Couldn't stop reading this. I started it last night. Came to bed at about 9.30 about 40% in. Just finished it at 1am. It's been YEARS since I've done that with a book! Deeply dislikeable central characters, and some emotionally difficult scenes, but the pace and intrigue kept me utterly hooked!”
Jonathan Livingston Seagull by Richard Bach (Completed on 06 June 2024)
You can definitely tell from my battered copy of this book that this is one I return to time and again. I totally relate to Jonathan’s sense of not fitting in with his flock, of feeling like he belongs somewhere else, and is meant to do something different. This time I read it on my Kindle, where I discovered a new chapter that filled my heart with joy!
Cut and Thirst by Margaret Atwood (Completed on 06 June 2024)
A delightful short story of murder and retribution, told as only Margaret Atwood can. An easy read, at only 35 pages on Kindle, I enjoyed this as my bedtime read.
Grown Ups by Marian Keyes (Completed on 07 June 2024)
A bit of light relief from the wonderful Marian Keyes. I listened to this on Audible, narrated by Marian herself, so the Irishness of her writing, and the wit and comedy, just washes over you delightfully.
The Tree Forager: 40 Extraordinary Trees & What to Do with Them by Adele Nozedar (Completed on 09 June 2024)
Adele trained to be a Yoga teacher at the same studio I did, so while I don’t know her personally, I feel a kinship through our shared love of yoga and nature. This was a gorgeous book that made me want to spend even more time outside near trees, and gave me greater appreciation for all they give us.
My Evil Mother by Margaret Atwood (Completed on 11 June 2024)
Another delicious short story from Margaret Atwood, about the complexities of the mother/daughter relationship, and the added complexities when the mother is a witch!
Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle by Emily Nagoski (Completed on 13 June 2024)
If there was a book I needed to read this year, it was this one. I first started listening to it when my mother was ill, but couldn’t deal with it then. But this year, I was able to appreciate the great wisdom and compassion it contains
The Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald (Completed on 18 June 2024)
This was one of those “I probably should read this book” sort of choices, an attempt perhaps to bring some more intellectual reading into my life! I I was pretty underwhelmed and couldn’t quite work out why it was so popular! But then I discovered that the version I got from Kindle was a really weird, maybe AI generated edit of it, so it’s still on my ‘read one day’ list as I suspect the original is probably far better! Beware of cheap kindle versions of great books!
July
Educated by Tara Westover (Completed on 15 July 2024)
This was a fascinating, heartbreaking account of Tara Westover’s life growing up a home educated Mormon, and what it cost her to finally get a real education. Not always easy to read, as she shared stories of cruelty, abuse, and neglect, but her strength and determination to escape the limits her early life placed on her is inspiring
Braiding Sweetgrass: Indigenous Wisdom, Scientific Knowledge, and the Teachings of Plants by Robin Wall Kimmerer (Completed on 22 July 2024)
I was going to buy this book in paperback, then discovered that Robin Wall Kimmerer narrates the audiobook. I’d heard her voice before, and knew I wanted to hear her read this book to me. The book is incredible, a heartfelt treatise on the importance of meaningful connection to nature, and the traditional Native American culture and wisdom that is so intwined with the land. It’s hard to listen to it and get angry for the way both the land and the First Nation peoples have been treated for the sake of Western progress, but with the beautiful language and calming narration, this book feels often like a meditation.
Existential Kink: Unmask Your Shadow and Embrace Your Power (A method for getting what you want by getting off on what you don't) by Carolyn Elliott (Completed on 26 July 2024)
This was a recommendation by Mark Walsh, the embodiment teacher, on one of his training calls. Having explored shadow work before, I was familiar with the idea that we get something positive from the things we do that cause us pain, and reading the book, pondering the questions asked in it, lead to some interesting discoveries! Highly recommended if you keep asking yourself ‘Why do I keep doing this to myself?’
Cultish: The Language of Fanaticism by Amanda Montell (Completed on 29 July 2024)
I’m pretty fascinated by cults, and binge podcasts on the subject on a regular basis. This was an insightful and eye opening look into the most powerful tool any wannabe cult leader has at their disposal, language. And how that ‘cultish’ language isn’t just used by recognisable cults, but in things we might interact with in daily life. You can also listen to Amanda’s podcast, Sounds like a Cult, and subscribe to her Substack here.
The Bee Sting by Paul Murray (Completed on 30 July 2024)
I wasn't sure I'd be able to get through this at times. The changes in punctuation and writing style that represent different characters were quite jarring a lot of the time, and tested my determination. But the story and the characters kept me reading. And I'm so glad I did. What a great book! Intriguing to the end.
August
Peace Is Every Step: The Path of Mindfulness in Everyday Life by Thich Nhat Hanh (Completed on 31 August 2024)
Mindfulness is a valuable tool for someone living, as I do, with ADHD, depression and grief. These things also tend to make it sometimes very difficult to remember to be mindful, so this book was a beautiful reminder that peace is available to us in any moment, if we just remember to find it for ourselves.
Unruly: The Ridiculous History of England's Kings and Queens by David Mitchell (Completed on 31 August 2024)
This was this month’s book club choice, and as an ardent anti-Royalist, I wasn’t at all impressed. Until I saw that David Mitchell (a British comedian as well as the book’s author) was narrating it. It was very entertaining, and I was delighted to discover that the more I learned about the British Royal Family, the more anti royalty I became!
September
The Chain by Adrian McKinty (Completed on 08 September 2024)
This month’s book club selection was my favourite sort of novel, a twisty, turny thriller that was impossible to stop reading! I was obsessed, and found myself walking around the house reading it, unable to put it down. Utterly compelling reading. Sadly this was my last book club for the rest of the year, as other things got in the way of my attendance, but I’m going to the library later to get this month’s book ahead of next week’s meeting.
The Part That Burns by Jeannine Ouellette (Completed on 13 September 2024)
Utterly beautiful. I love Jeannine's writing here on Substack, where I first met her. I knew some of the stories of this book through reading them there, but still her writing captivated and carried me through this book. Subscribe to Jeannine’s Substack here
October
Meditations for Mortals: Four Weeks to Embrace Your Limitations and Make Time for What Counts by Oliver Burkeman (Completed on 03 October 2024)
I read this book because it was part of Katherine May’s book club. If you think you can’t meditate, then this book is for you. It breaks down the mystery and mysticism that can surround meditation, and offers a 4 week path to a calmer, simpler mind, and a calmer, simpler life.
Berserker! by Adrian Edmondson (Completed on 06 October 2024)
Utterly wonderful. Funny, open, fascinating and moving. It's so easy to think of Adrian Edmondson as the comedy characters he's so famous for, but there is so much more to him than that. Such an interesting man, and a wonderful book. I listened to it on Spotify, he narrates it himself, and I'm so very glad I did, it felt like he was telling me his stories, rather than simply narrating a book
Kokoro: Japanese Wisdom for a Life Well-lived by Beth Kempton (Completed on 10 October 2024)
Beautiful book. I listened to the audio version narrated by the Beth. It made me cry lots, particularly when she talks about her Mum’s illness and death. But even with the sadness that gave me, the book overall was very uplifting and inspiring. Youcan subscribe to Beth’s Substack here
The Art of Memoir by Mary Karr (Completed on 18 October 2024)
Mark Karr knows a thing or two about writing memoir. I love her no nonsense approach to writing and truth telling, If you want to know how to tell difficult stories from your life, and to tell them well, this book will help and inspire you.
Bright Shining: How Grace Changes Everything by Julia Baird (Completed on 23 October 2024)
As I emerged from a really hard year, and with the world seeming ever more determined to fill me with fear, Katherine May’s November book club suggestion seemed perfectly chosen. How can we find grace when everything seems so hard, so unfair, so scary? This book explores that, and why it’s so beneficial to us to do that, for ourselves, the people we love and the world around us.
The Old Ways: A Journey on Foot by Robert Macfarlane (Completed on 30 October 2024)
Robert McFarlane is a giant among nature writers. I’ve had his books on my ‘must read’ list for a long time, and I was so glad to finally read one. This is such a beautiful exploration of not only old paths, but the people, history, the rituals and pilgrimages and the stories they hold.
November
Phosphorescence: On Awe, Wonder and Things That Sustain You When the World Goes Dark by Julia Baird (Completed on 14 November 2024)
Having enjoyed Julia Baird’s book so much last month, I was delighted to discover this one, which inspires the reader to find the magic and beauty in the every day, and the challenging, so that no matter what is happening in life, we can access our own source of light, no matter how dark things seem.
The Tao of Pooh by Benjamin Hoff (Completed on 15 November 2024)
This was a truly delightful look at Taoism through the lens of that great philosopher and wise mystic, Winnie the Pooh. It made me want to both read more about Taoism, and revisit the Winne the Pooh collection!
December
Ultra-Processed People: Why Do We All Eat Stuff That Isn’t Food … and Why Can’t We Stop? by Chris van Tulleken (Completed on 13 December 2024)
This is my second time with this book, in what I think might be an annual reminder of why I don’t want to eat ultra processed food any longer. This book changed my life, and my son’s, and I tend to tell anyone who will listen about it. I wrote a very lengthy review of it on my Goodreads profile, I’ll link to that here.
Books in progress
I still have two books in progress at the time of writing (well, there are many more in progress, but two I’m actively reading at the moment!)
The Way of the Fearless Writer: Ancient Eastern wisdom for a flourishing writing life by Beth Kempton. I am taking part in Beth’s Winter Sanctuary, and this is the recommended reading. It’s GORGEOUS, with beautiful writing prompts designed to help the reader become fearless in their writing.
The Outrun by Amy Liptrott
This has been on my shelf for a few months. A friend and I went to the cinema to watch it on Saturday, but there were no seats left. We’re going on Thursday instead, and I’m taking this as my chance to read the book before I see the film. It’s beautiful and I can’t wait to see the beauty of Orkney on the screen!
While there is no doubt that this has been a terrible year for me in so many ways, I’ve loved the fact that in the absence of being able to do anything much else, books were there for me. I don’t know if I‘ll be able to read even close to this many books in 2025, but I’ve got a few on my ‘read next’ pile, so I’ll be giving it a shot!
Have you read any of these books? What have you read this year that you’d recommend? Please share your thoughts in the comments
Links in this post are affiliate links, most of the to bookshop.org. which supports independent book stores. Where I used the audio version, I have linked to that instead
Thank you for this generous share and pointing me in the direction of these treasures!
Thank you for sharing this so vulnerably Esther, and I hope you have a lovely, gentle 2025.